SEX!

Now I've got your attention, here's a story about FUCKING

EXCLUSIVE

Wayne Rooney is today in the centre of another shitstorm with his marriage truly on the fucking rocks, after Leo Dennett from comedy prog rock band 'No Made Sense' revealed the repugnant soccer man paid him for sexual liasons "loads of times, I reckon".

Speaking through a large cardboard tube like the one you'd deliver a poster in, Leo Dennett (also known as 'Loose Leo' the sick shit) revealed yesterday how Rooney sent him text after text filled with lewd suggestions, unabashed emoticons depicting various sexually charged facial expressions and 'lol's even when nothing funny had been said.

"We first met in a bar in Manchester when I was loitering outside the disabled toilets pretending to adjust my trousers; he seemed spellbound and started doing pretend keepy-ups with a pretend ball whilst licking his lips. A girl like me knows when she's being courted so I played some Katy Perry tracks on my latest smart phone and ran my hands through my hair like in those sexy shampoo commercials.

"Unfortunately I had to rush off soon after because the toddler I was supposed to be baby-sitting wasn't replying to my texts and I couldn't remember if i'd left the charger out or not. Before I left, Wayne wrote his telephone number on my knuckles with a Sharpie and insisted he see me again.

'Loose Leo', shown here with his pimp.

"The next week we met in an Etap hotel and he gave me 50 euros before getting a rucksack out filled with props. His favourite game was dinosaurs; he would dress up as a T-Rex and make me call him 'Tyrannosaurus Rooney', taping his forearms back so his elbows were sticking out like little arms. After he tired of stomping around i'd read him Jacqueline Wilson books, stroking his stupid potato face until he fell asleep."

"Sometimes I just like to lie down"

Dennett, who on facebook is shown to 'like' 'HUGE DESSERTS AFTER DINNER!' and 'gEt ovEr it, U r such a idyot!', also claims the international sportsballer invited him back to his fucking huge house, wherever that is. Texts alleged to have been sent range from the cute "Get ova here mi wife is out i wnt 2 b a dipladocus xoxo tb" to the bloody filthy "my cok is rele big lol go on i hav moar euros wot dnt u wnt dem?!".

Coleen Rooney is said to be heartbroken after discovering once again her man is in scandal-town but conceded "Well I was pregnant at the time and I didn't want his grotesque thing jabbing my unborn kid in the face. He's not doing me in the shitter either, if that's what you're about to suggest."

These legs go all the fucking way up, bitches

However, despite being paid several hundred euros for getting their bits all filthy like, apparently whores have morals.

Dennett defended herself, saying "Sure I was implicit in what will probably fuck his marriage up, sure I took his money and said I wouldn't tell anyone, but he didn't say don't tell everyone. Also I wanted new shoes.

"He's a real slimeball for wanting me to go back to his house. That's just too far. Honestly I looked it up on Google maps and I told him 'I'm not cycling that far, not for 50 euros, not even for 75 euros'. He just ignored that what he was doing would hurt Coleen so much. I would never wish that upon anyone. I would feel terrible if I was her. It's such a sorry state of affairs. I couldn't bare it anymore though. It was eating away at me every night. I really wanted these new shoes."

Wayne Rooney was unavailable for comment this morning, his spokesman claiming "he is busy wanking into bins".

Hey!

Hey! Oh my god! How are you?! Look at your hair! Oh my god! Shut up! How are you?! No way! What? Oh.

Today I am writing this blog for two reasons.

REASON NUMBER ONE

There's not been a post in a month.

REASON NUMBER TOO

I am bored. BoredBoredBored.


It would seem sensible perhaps to mention what No Made Sense have been doing these past months, so perhaps I will mention that.

WHAT NO MADE SENSE HAVE BEEN DOING THESE PAST FEW MONTHS by Leo Dennett Form 7IPB

Well basically as has already been reported, all the music was done in June over a weekend, but chronic throat-rubbishness has stuck a right ol' fucking spanner in the works, meaning vocals are still yet to be complete, which is looking like it might push the release back. This is, of course, rubbish, but the album is so bloody good you'll cry. This does also mean that we might break the cycle of going SHUTUP THATS LOADS OF TIME IM NOT STARTING THAT NOW DONT BE A DICK then having to rush everything last minute. We probably still will, of course.

We're starting to get some footage together of the creation of the latest album, studio footage, rehearsal footage, talk-candidly-to-the-camera-about-which-band-member-pisses-you-off-the-most-footage, that sort of thing. There is also footage of the 08 tour with CiLiCe and IFWF knocking about which is largely redundant except for the fact some of it is hilarious.

So in short, we admire your patience.

As a present here is a picture of yours truly in front of 3 awesum stacks and i'm really rocking out with my guitar I hope you like them stay true to metal forever \O/ YAY Lol

MOAT MUST HANG

"If the technology were available, i'd move that Moat be brought back to life, have his eyes removed and given to PC David Rathband, then be required to spend 700 years (yes there is immortality technology involved too just go with me on this) tidying up Rathband's house and putting the bins out, that kind of thing, and also he has wear clothes two sizes too small for him. And a trilby." Rebecca Bromley, Manchester

"Death is too good for Moat, we should all kill ourselves too then join him in Hell and make sure he -really- suffers. Maybe put things up his bum too." Daniel Labrador, Newcastle

"If you rearrange the letters in 'Raoul Moat', add some more letters and take other letters away, you get the words 'Shotgun Mentalist' which tells me the Home Office have really dropped the fucking ball on this one. Actually was he born over here? Raoul sounds a bit 9/11 doesn't it?" Melanie Ray aged 6 and 1/2

***

I have to say how fucking tedious it is when the media uses facebook groups as a reflection of anything, ever. Facebook is designed so that connecting; making friends, 'liking' things, telling people what you had for lunch etc, is all just a few keystrokes/mouse clicks away. Conversely, acts like removing facebook friends require you to first spot the adverb in an Arabic haiku then win a game of tic tac toe where the computer gets the first two goes before finally getting to the necessary screen.

The point i'm making is, joining a group takes all of 1 second, and requires no real effort or thought beyond "lol i'm on facebook". So if 100,000 people join the group "I Hate Jam So Much!", can we expect 100,000 angry protesters to march down to Tiptree to smash up some loganberries? It's not likely, and that's not just because loganberry jam is delicious.

So, over 35,ooo people joined the facebook group 'RIP Raoul Moat You Legend'. BROKEN SODDING BRITAIN. How many of these people genuinely believe he is a legend?

Q. Who actually, entirely, and utterly believes that a man who shoots three innocent people, killing one, and blinding another, is a legend?

A. Nobody, really.

I would imagine the group comprises of three different types of people:

1) 'LOL u r kiddin me a rip moat page i am so off the wall tho im gonna join dis group so my friendz r like "Jade u r 2 much! lol" dats juts me tho wysiwyg'

2) 'Wahey, all police are cunts aren't they?! Can't believe he evaded the pigs for so long wahey what a bloody joker! Pure LEDGE in my book mate dousanothercarlingmate'

3) 'The world/internet is full of reactionary tosspots and by feigning support for Moat I can get some of you Daily Mail-reading spastics to foam at the mouth, bang your fat fists on your keyboard and get all angry because your life is devoid of any meaning or expression and you fail to see the irony in telling me you'll shoot me 'in the face with a fucking shotgun' for not agreeing with you.'

So, if a meeting were announced tomorrow in Trafalgar Square, celebrating the life and times of Raoul Moat, how many people from this facebook group would turn up? Do these 35,ooo+ people all log out of facebook chat, make colourful signage and have unabashed interviews with the BBC detailing just why they think he's a legend?

No. So can people stop pretending that these thousands of people have had a detailed analysis of the facts, numerous conversations with peers looking at both sides of the argument, before reaching the conclusion that yes, Moat = Legend?

***

This whole Moatfacegate also raises two more issues. Firstly, freedom of speech. David Cameron can piss off whining at facebook and get back to fucking up the country for everyone; there is nothing illegal about the page and there wouldn't be such a furore over it if the papers didn't shove it in everyones faces as they have their morning tea and loganberry jam on toast. It's in poor taste sure, but just let it slide down peoples newsfeeds and into obscurity, christ. Freedom of speech can be a contentious issue when people go beyond such sentiments as "puppies are brilliant" but i'd argue a facebook group calling a dead man a legend is far less damaging than one which actually spreads and incites fear and hatred (of which there are loads, with far more members than the RIP Moat page). Well done to facebook for just being all 'whatevs' about it.

The other issue is that instead of dusting off our hands, rocking on our heels and pulling our braces forward going "well that's the end of THAT chapter" we should still remember that Moat is a man gone mental, and that we should be looking at what went wrong, and how we can prevent similar events in the future. In dialogue with police and social workers he requested to see a psychiatrist, which I can only assume didn't happen. Also, what was done when he was released from prison for them to be confident he was going to try to rebuild his life, not take others with his own?

Ordinary people don't go around shooting other people in the face but it would be ridiculous and all too convenient to think that all murderers have latent madness to be called upon after they've killed. "We always knew he was going to do something like this" "He always seemed a little peculiar, didn't he?" These are the sort of things people say afterwards. I recall a few years back when some man was arrested on suspicion of killing several prostitutes. Quotes from co-workers and old school friends painted him as a real oddball, and made really quite nasty remarks, all based on the belief he was a killer. There was no apology from them or the press when it transpired he had nothing to do with it, but it just goes to show how easy it is for anyone alleged to have committed a crime to have unflattering pictures posted of them with a crazed look (a drunk photo lifted from facebook, natch) and testimonials from people who knew you, saying you were always a mental cunt and this was a long time coming.

In closing, Moat done gone done a bad thing, and facebook isn't news.

I guess this is why chief says no hugging

Helloyou

I thought i'd already done a blog with pictures from recording but I haven't. Effort.

Sorry for the lack of updates, we started recording the album the same weekend I moved back up to London, which was also the same weekend Super Mario Galaxy 2 came out (which i've only in the last day been able to start playing, grumble) so i've been hella busy, and have no internet in my new pad (yes it's a pad there's cushions and sex) because BT are quite incapable of moving our contract over, so fuck em, right in the cunts.

So recording then, or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Guitar Tone.

We bashed out most of the tracks in the first day, then the rest on our second and final day at British Grove Studios. Recorded all the music live, was much more fun than taking turns recording our bits to a click.

There are many more photos, but I don't have them right now.

So with the music all down, it just remains for me to finish off the vocals. I'm working with Justin again and have had a couple of sessions to explore what is going to work best for this album, and final tracking will occur next week at some point, then it's just mixing/mastering and the album is complete!
There will be more photos/videos of the recording process up soon, but i'm at work so ugh just wait.

L

New Made Sense

LOL if I had a platinum album every time I made that pun I wouldn't be here pandering to you bastards.

HAI,

Seeing as in the last year or so we've gotten uglier I thought it only fair you got to see what sort of cunt you'd be dealing with now.

Introducing: SUPER NO MADE SENSE WORLD CUP 2010 RACING 64

Joe Battimelli - Electronic Bass

"Don't listen to the strings i'm playing, listen to the strings i'm not playing"

***



Leo Dennett - Rock Guitar

"My unique playing style reflects my inability to develop proper technique"

***



Sam Ward - Drum

"I'm not saying they've taken all our jobs, but they fucking have, haven't they?"

***

And there you have it. Recording in nine days. NINE DAYS. NYNDAZE.

I've Not Been Well Enough

So today is the 1st of June, which means we have 11 days to get our shit together before we go into the studio to record the follow up to last year's The Epillanic Choragi. Don't get too excited though, because we have totally sold out.

"Let's get some burgers"

Sometimes I forget that the world is full of ignorant cunts...






































































Only joking, I am reminded every day

***

This post hasn't even been up 24 hours and the website changed their links, obviously not a fan. If these images don't show then just go to http://www.chick.com/catalog/tractlist.asp and despair.

***

Look Up

YEEEAH YEAH YEAHYEAH YEEEAH YEAH YEHYEAHYEAH

demonstraaaaaate this to me

So demoing didn't go entirely as planned, you forget everything takes a fucking age to set up so we only had enough time for a couple of takes of '68' before pissing off back home again. Nevermind, it was good for everyone to feel the heat of the 'record' button again as a warm up to what we'll get up to at British Grove in a few weeks.







Yesterday I recorded the guitars for '68' at our practice space then we got down to some good old-fashioned rehearsing. I got my Jaguar sorted out over the weekend (hai coiltap) and put some fucking huge strings on it. It were teh beefs.
Joe and I have finally got all our desired equipment (ampage, guitarage, pedalage) so it's just a case of tweaking some knobs and stuff now.

Here are some pictures anyway, me and Sam both turned up to practice wearing Basick shirts, but what are you gonna do? Zactly.

I ain't no joke so you should get a pen and write yourself a little note so you don't forget again

Hey Youtube!

Today we're going start recording demos for the new album; drums and bass today, guitar and vocals in the week. We'd record all together but there's not enough room in the car for the ridiculous amount of gear we have amassed recently. In other news, everything's on schedule for when we hit the studio proper in June and we have finalised the ten tracks that will make up the album and it flows like a mother.
Will try and get some pictures up in the next few days, so keep checking back.

L

Another Album So Soon Like You Fucking Deserve It

We are pleased to announce that we are hitting the studio (in the face) on the 12th of June 2010 to record the follow up to last years debut, ‘The Epillanic Choragi’. Providing everything goes to schedule the album is due for a Winter release via Basick Records.

We will be filming the preparation and recording of the album (current working title – YEAHYEAH) so expect to see some footage, clips and reports of how it is all taking shape over the next few months.

We are really excited about making this record, even though it's probably going to piss a lot of you off.

Cheers then!

No Made Sense