I remember once when I was younger, I really wanted to start playing guitar. I was fascinated by the instrument and yearned to emulate the rock gods I saw on the television and heard on my Dad's vinyl player! However, first I needed a guitar, and for that I needed money! I went around the neighbourhood, washing cars, doing odd jobs, anything I could to get enough shillings together to buy the battered Les Paul copy hanging from the market stall in my local village. Eventually after hours of hard work I had earned enough! I proudly handed over the money and began my adventure as a rock and roll guitarist!
None of that ever happened, of course, but I almost had fun typing that out.
HELP ME FUND MY PROJECT I WILL SPAM YOU SO HELP ME GOD UNTIL IT IS RAISED
Kickstarter and Pledgemusic didn't like what I had to offer my fans (Hi Mum) so I have resorted to a watered-down version of the proceedings as seen below. I need to record a new album and I quite like spending my own money on things I need like ironic tshirts and a four-pack of Red Bull.
Signed drumskin - £50
Signed foreskin - £75
Drumstick - £8.99
Handwritten lyric sheet - £77
Handwritten suicide note - £15
Handjob - £20
Out of date season ticket from Southall to Zones 1-6 Underground - £12.50
My first guitar! lol - £450
Half a banjo - £69.99
The other half of that fucking banjo - £1
Song dedicated to you - £34
Buy me a pint mate - £3.20
Ah shit Peroni is £3.40, give us another - 20p
House Party (no girls allowed!) - £700
No more blog posts - £100,000
A flash drive I found in a bus depot - £22
I'll ring your nan and pretend to give a shit about her shit - £5
Donate £10 to a charity of your choice - £20
Expletive-laden SMS to your exgirlfriend yes I know you're not bitter and fuck her anyway - 10p
Guitar lesson with me - £100
Come to band practice! and help carry my amp it's fucking well heavy - £petrol
Wednesday 17 April 2013
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