Slayed to Rest

So a recent comment I (Leo) made on facebook has been met with some hostility. I don't really feel the need to explain myself but I'm doing this more out of respect for Sam and Joe who don't want to be tarred with the same metal-heathen brush.

"If only all metal bands from the 80s would die already" was the offending statement. Someone accused me of being a troll, which I think is a phrase everyone erroneously leaps to when they read something on the internet they don't agree with. If I wanted to be a troll, I would have put something like:

Q: Who's my favourite member of Slayer?
A: The dead one.

So let's clear this up. 

- I don't really care for 80s metal bands. Metallica were good. Reign in Blood was alright. It has been pointed out that my comment would condemn bands like "Iron Maiden, Death, Bathory, Celtic Frost, Venom, Testament, Exodus, Kreator, Sabbat, Coroner etc". As unpopular as it may sound, I don't care for any of those bands. My decision to play a distorted guitar doesn't mean I have to like them, an opinion I'm entirely allowed to hold whether you agree or not.

- It was a pun about bands ceasing to exist. Most metal bands from the 80s are horrible self-parodies playing songs they wrote 30 years ago because they know everything they write and release now is shit and irrelevant. You keep buying the festival tickets, you keep buying the magazines with cover quotes about how "this is our heaviest album to date!", you keep propagating the tedium and contribute to a world where things like St Anger happen.

Jeff Buckley once said during a concert "Fuck off! Just fuck off! The 60's are bullshit, the 70's almost big big bullshit, 80's... I don't even need to tell you, except for The Smiths maybe. Get out of it! Just get out of it! Shit's happening now, it's all about now, now now now. Bigger, faster, sweatier, skinnier, whiter, blacker, Gracer"

A similarly provocative and sweeping statement that clearly needs to be taken with a pinch of salt, but a viewpoint I wholeheartedly agree with.

Finally, I am not revelling in the death of one man. It's like Thatcher. You're not celebrating the death of a parent, a sibling, a loved one. You are celebrating the symbolic element. As far as I'm concerned, the sooner we can all move on from pandering to all these GODS OF METAAAAL the better.

Leo

PS SORRY IF MY OPINION ON THE INTERNET UPSET YOU

Prickstarter

I remember once when I was younger, I really wanted to start playing guitar. I was fascinated by the instrument and yearned to emulate the rock gods I saw on the television and heard on my Dad's vinyl player! However, first I needed a guitar, and for that I needed money! I went around the neighbourhood, washing cars, doing odd jobs, anything I could to get enough shillings together to buy the battered Les Paul copy hanging from the market stall in my local village. Eventually after hours of hard work I had earned enough! I proudly handed over the money and began my adventure as a rock and roll guitarist!

None of that ever happened, of course, but I almost had fun typing that out.

HELP ME FUND MY PROJECT I WILL SPAM YOU SO HELP ME GOD UNTIL IT IS RAISED

Kickstarter and Pledgemusic didn't like what I had to offer my fans (Hi Mum) so I have resorted to a watered-down version of the proceedings as seen below. I need to record a new album and I quite like spending my own money on things I need like ironic tshirts and a four-pack of Red Bull.

Signed drumskin - £50
Signed foreskin - £75
Drumstick - £8.99
Handwritten lyric sheet - £77
Handwritten suicide note - £15
Handjob - £20
Out of date season ticket from Southall to Zones 1-6 Underground - £12.50
My first guitar! lol - £450
Half a banjo - £69.99
The other half of that fucking banjo - £1
Song dedicated to you - £34
Buy me a pint mate - £3.20
Ah shit Peroni is £3.40, give us another - 20p
House Party (no girls allowed!) - £700
No more blog posts - £100,000
A flash drive I found in a bus depot - £22
I'll ring your nan and pretend to give a shit about her shit - £5
Donate £10 to a charity of your choice - £20
Expletive-laden SMS to your exgirlfriend yes I know you're not bitter and fuck her anyway - 10p
Guitar lesson with me - £100
Come to band practice! and help carry my amp it's fucking well heavy - £petrol

Next week: Pay for me to go on  holiday (with access to exclusive content)!
Following week: Pay my rent and come watch BBC4 with me (cuddling optional)!

Spotifinally

Lordy lordy. The second No Made Sense album is pretty late to the Spotify party but it brought drugs so it's okay he cool.

To celebrate, here is some New Season/New Blues trivia.

- The album's name comes from a Marks & Spencers shop window.
- 'Silence' was written before The Epillanic Choragi was even released.
- If you play the album backwards it sounds even worse.

http://open.spotify.com/album/7HsmK3h0CRPPSQV13u53fr

Click on it, and listen to the album for free whilst we roll around in all the internet monies streaming services provide bands! Whatever clears your conscience!

Big thanks to Nathan and Sean from Basick for getting this up onto Spotify, we really appreciate it.

I wonder if a third album will ever appear on there... *strokes beard and looks out of window*

TEXT 'MORE SHIT MUSIC' TO 7306 (£1 A MESSAGE + STANDARD OPERATORS RATE)